Fellowship Applications

[abka]

So I screwed up big-time. Earlier this fall I missed a major fellowship deadline after trying to throw things together (including recommendations) at the last minute. I said I wouldn't do that again especially for the two applications due in November. I set myself early internal deadlines and collected all my paperwork.

And then proceeded to not finish anything and ignore all my deadlines.

I hate, hate, hate writing applications. They make me feel insecure about myself and I worry about getting hopeful about receiving something and then being disappointed even though I know fellowships are like acting jobs. You just prepare as best you can then it's a numbers game, and you just have to keep trying until you get something. I know it's not personal but it feels really personal.

So I knew I had to scramble this weekend to get things in. I was late but not crazy late.

Until Saturday night when I remembered the third fellowship. This was one that the department had nominated me for. Originally i had asked to be nominated for one that had a due date in December. Instead they nominated me for another one and when I looked at the paperwork it said November 15th, but my brain read December 15th. The "oh shit" moment was profound.

This is a particularly evil application with lots of different parts including a two page autobiography. Even the collating is evil, you have to have 12 identical packets, each with your 6 essays (all with precise word counts), recommendations, bibliography, transcripts from all graduate and undergraduate institutions (through some miracle I found an official Dartmouth transcript in my files), etc.

Anyway so I had to send out a last minute plea to my recommenders, including my adviser whose recommendation is required and who is out of town on sabatical this year.

He totally saved me, providing massive amounts of moral support on email and the phone and editing (he said leave the curling and trapeze in the autobiography). He is also writing me two three recommendations this morning, and is sending me detailed updates about what is happening in the form of: 9.30 finished recommendation X working on recommendation Y, 10:02 going to post office to mail sterling recommendations X and Y. 10.35 back from post office X is in the mail to you but it's a national holiday tomorrow. (Ah, foiled by a national holiday. And I have to work tomorrow.) 11:02 submitted terrific application Z letter electronically.

I heart him. I know I've gushed here before, but Best Adviser Ever! I'm so so glad I chose the program I did because of him.

I'm almost over the embarrassment of screwing up and having to grovel. (Also massive appreciation for recommender no. 2 who sent out a reminder about the application which did not penetrate my brain and is writing for me this week, and for fantastic Harvard prof. who I do not know at all, but who taught a friend of mine and who is doing me a quicky language evaulation this week. Language evaluation over the phone when I haven't been in Croatia in over a year = complete disaster, but at least the form will be filled out.)

Comments

[lifeinlondon.livejournal.com]

First, I want to say that your adviser sounds awesome.

(he said leave the curling and trapeze in the autobiography)
Absolutely! You are the only person I've ever met who does both of these sports and I think it says a lot about your willingness to take on challenges.

I hate, hate, hate writing applications. They make me feel insecure about myself and I worry about getting hopeful about receiving something and then being disappointed even though I know fellowships are like acting jobs. You just prepare as best you can then it's a numbers game, and you just have to keep trying until you get something. I know it's not personal but it feels really personal.

This is exactly how I feel about job hunting and it's why I gave up job hunting for a while. When I had enough freelance work coming in to say I'm occupied enough, I just stopped looking for jobs. As soon as I stopped I was offered two jobs right in a row, but I turned them both down because neither seemed like the right fit. Now I'm applying for a job that does seem like a really good fit, but I'm trying really hard not to think about it because I don't want to be too disappointed if (when?) I don't get it. It adds a whole other layer of stress to the "my freelance projects keep getting delayed and drawn out, crap, we have just enough money to get by but not enough to save" sort of stress that is consuming me right now. I really just can't wait until the whole application process is over.

Best of luck with the fellowships! I really hope something comes through for you. Would these be to support your research? How's that going?

[invader-jim.livejournal.com]

Wow, you do have the best advisor ever! Good luck! I just finished an application myself, or thought I did, and now I have to stress about whether the transcripts, scores, etc. got there like they should have or if they school website is FUBAR.