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I know it will come as an utter shock to you that I am recommending this post about men talking about sex.
Moving past the ridiculously misogynistic PSA at the beginning to some quotes:
I deeply resent and reject the idea that men aren't allowed to have explicit conversations with their friends, or it makes them disrespectful of women in general, and the women in their lives specifically. Some of that "what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom" mentality spills over to women, too. Some of my best conversations with friends have been about sex. Whether it's talking about some great sex, or talking about contraception, or bad sex, or sex problems, or telling funny stories. It's fun. Sex is a part of the human experience, and it's ridiculous to think that we share that with our partners and our partners alone....
Because of this narrative, and men's emotional discomfort with one another, "good" men are unable to have conversations with other men about sex. Some do with their female friends. But with other men? Rarely. That's because of the idea that talking about sex in a way that is respectful doesn't exist. Men don't know how to do it. So they don't.
This puts huge pressure on women. I don't want to be the only person in the universe that my partner has frank conversations with about sex, but I think I probably am, and I think most women are.
I have had fun, thoughtful conversations about sex with both men and women, partners and non-partners. It seems obvious to me that the respectful men with whom I have discussed sex don't turn into assholes when talking about sex in other contexts. But do they have those conversations? I don't know. I'm assuming that D. doesn't talk about sex with other men (or women), perhaps with the exception of one close friend.
Your thoughts?
Moving past the ridiculously misogynistic PSA at the beginning to some quotes:
I deeply resent and reject the idea that men aren't allowed to have explicit conversations with their friends, or it makes them disrespectful of women in general, and the women in their lives specifically. Some of that "what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom" mentality spills over to women, too. Some of my best conversations with friends have been about sex. Whether it's talking about some great sex, or talking about contraception, or bad sex, or sex problems, or telling funny stories. It's fun. Sex is a part of the human experience, and it's ridiculous to think that we share that with our partners and our partners alone....
Because of this narrative, and men's emotional discomfort with one another, "good" men are unable to have conversations with other men about sex. Some do with their female friends. But with other men? Rarely. That's because of the idea that talking about sex in a way that is respectful doesn't exist. Men don't know how to do it. So they don't.
This puts huge pressure on women. I don't want to be the only person in the universe that my partner has frank conversations with about sex, but I think I probably am, and I think most women are.
I have had fun, thoughtful conversations about sex with both men and women, partners and non-partners. It seems obvious to me that the respectful men with whom I have discussed sex don't turn into assholes when talking about sex in other contexts. But do they have those conversations? I don't know. I'm assuming that D. doesn't talk about sex with other men (or women), perhaps with the exception of one close friend.
Your thoughts?
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