Miss Conduct

[abka]

This thing on "parasocial relationships" seems to be the clearest definition of what makes some people more naturally fannish than others. It made me think specifically of my sister who is very attached to real people, but does not understand how one can empathize with fictional characters (movies tend to bore her or put her to sleep, and although she reads a lot we often have really different tastes in fiction).

The first paragraph of this column also really resonated with me. I didn't grow up in Boston (but kind of close enough?) but I really absorbed the "politeness is leaving someone alone to do their own thing" message. It's one of the things that makes DC feel not exactly the same as home for me. I think often times getting out of the way is still the polite thing to do (metro anyone?) but there are still times people I don't know talk to me (like in public, interacting with a clerk or taxi driver or someone) and it makes me feel uncomfortable when I know they're trying to be polite (presumably to make me feel more comfortable).

Plus sci-fi discussion (more in comments).

Comments

[lifeinlondon.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the links - really interesting. I love that she mentions Trixie. I think Deadwood is one of the best tv series ever made. The characters are so wonderfully complex.

Re the Boston thing - also growing up in Maine, I kind of get that, but I don't adhere it to it all that well, mostly because of my mom's influence. She pretty much totally counteracts that by being relentlessly social - she'll talk to anyone, anywhere, and nine times out of ten, it turns out that she knows someone that they know.

The sir/ma'am discussion is interesting. I haven't seen BSG yet - I'm not a huge scifi fan but I've heard it's a really good show, so I should probably check it out.

[coffman.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen BSG yet - I'm not a huge scifi fan but I've heard it's a really good show, so I should probably check it out.

So good! So very, very good! I even got my Dad all hooked on it. It's really got something for everyone - if you like sci-fi, it's got your sci-fi covered, if you like political intrigue ala 24 or West Wing like my Dad does, it's got you covered there, if you like mind-bending plot twists a la Lost you're again covered. The characters, writing and acting are all fantastic.

[abka.livejournal.com]

Yes, I echo "so good, so very, very good!" And I'd like to add interpersonal relationships and how people react in extreme circumstances to coffman's list of awesome things about BSG :)

[lifeinlondon.livejournal.com]

And I'd like to add interpersonal relationships and how people react in extreme circumstances

Cool - above all, I think the thing that ties together all my favorite tv series is incredible character development.

[lifeinlondon.livejournal.com]

if you like mind-bending plot twists a la Lost you're again covered.

You got me there! We'll have to check it out. I have mixed feelings about scifi. I'm not a huge fan, and there's a lot of it that I just don't like, but I absolutely LOVE speculative fiction and alternate histories, in the vein of Margaret Atwood or Michael Chabon's totally awesome Yiddish Policemen's Union.

[abka.livejournal.com]

Oh Denis just read Yiddish Policeman's Union and loved it! It's on my list after I finish these Peter Whimsey mysterious. I really liked The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay.

[metallian.livejournal.com]

Interesting. While I'm quite the fannish sort, I don't know if I fall into her category or not. I care about what happens to characters and get really invested, but I don't think I relate to them as she's describing in the article.

Same with the Boston thing...I grew up nearby and my parents are from Boston. I'm not sure if I act that way or not. I've heard from southerners on occasion "northerners" (I think they mean especially northeasterners since that's mostly who they interacted with) are not friendly but I've never noticed. I don't think I'm unfriendly. Then again, when we moved here mrsmetallian (who is from California) commented on how everyone was much friendlier here and I still haven't noticed the difference.

[mrsjadephoenix.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the interesting links!

I like that in BSG everyone at a higher military rank is called 'sir.' I'm generally not a fan of having separate words for men and women, at least not when it comes to something like occupation - I like descriptors like doctor and professor, which are non-gender-specific. After all, in most (though admittedly not all) situations, gender doesn't have anything to do with the job a person is performing, so why do we need separate terms for the male and female variants? That's how I see it, anyway.

On the flip-side though, I am not anti-ma'am, anti-miss, or anti-Ms, and I sometimes find it hard to understand when people get in such a tizzy about someone using the 'wrong' one to address them. For me, context is waaaay more important than the terms themselves. Unless it's really clear (tone/body language/expression/the rest of the conversation) that the person is trying to insult me, I'll assume that they're addressing me with the term that they feel is most polite/appropriate.

[lifeinlondon.livejournal.com]

I sometimes find it hard to understand when people get in such a tizzy about someone using the 'wrong' one to address them.

Agreed. I've read more than a few essays about "the first time I was called ma'am" and coming to terms with aging, and I think it's so weird because I've been getting ma'amed for years. The same people who card me call me ma'am. So I don't understand how people get such a complex aout it.